We are not lawyers, so we gotta make up for it with outright coolness.
HAHHAHA, I'm not as cool as this little guy, tho! This is YOUR esplanade!
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Paralegal Tools Series: Things for the Hand
Sometimes paralegals run around and it's exciting. But mostly, I'm here at the desk. That's why we keep these items to keep the eye-hand thing going.
1) Wiffle ball: great for childhood nostalgia moments, and when I struck out Jimmy 10,000 times
2) squeezy Earth Ball (this is standard issue from the firm)
3) mini foam football from TSG court reporters. I throw this hard at the gut of anyone who walks in the door. (not true)
4) puff "I <3 NY" baseball: bought retail in times square. was going to give to Tulip but it's too big.
5) baseball: see #1 nostalgia meets "I-still-got-it" mentality...
Batter up!
1) Wiffle ball: great for childhood nostalgia moments, and when I struck out Jimmy 10,000 times
2) squeezy Earth Ball (this is standard issue from the firm)
3) mini foam football from TSG court reporters. I throw this hard at the gut of anyone who walks in the door. (not true)
4) puff "I <3 NY" baseball: bought retail in times square. was going to give to Tulip but it's too big.
5) baseball: see #1 nostalgia meets "I-still-got-it" mentality...
Batter up!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Paralegal Tools Series: Bistro Table
Paralegals use these stand-up bistro tables for a moment of pause and introspection before heading into the large glass buildings that are our prisons.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Paralegal Tools Series: Accordion Thingie
Now that we have fancy copy machines that collate, we don't use these so much. Transactional paralegals still covet them though, and I'm not sure why.
This one appears to be in very good condition. It still has all its little rubber bumpers on the bottom.
p.s. these boxes can go back offsite!
This one appears to be in very good condition. It still has all its little rubber bumpers on the bottom.
p.s. these boxes can go back offsite!
Paralegal Tools Series: Exhibit Labels
If you are attending a hearing or a deposition, you're guaranteed to forget these.
You will have to borrow some from another paralegal.
Luckily, there is a Paralegal Code which requires them to give them to you.
You will have to borrow some from another paralegal.
Luckily, there is a Paralegal Code which requires them to give them to you.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
On Stapling
Paralegals don't like to staple shit, because before you know it, we'll have to un-staple it and make more copies of it. And something that was once stapled is much more likely to jam in the copier.
Only staple something that is leaving the building.
Only staple something that is leaving the building.
Paralegal Tools Series: Artificial Sweeteners
The pink stuff, the blue stuff, and now the yellow stuff. Paralegals have always been on the cutting edge of artificial sweeteners. The diet cola TAB was originally tested on a group of 400 legal assistants in Lawrence, KS.
There's a general lack of soda around the office these days, so I've been making due with lemon water and black coffee.
Life is grand!
There's a general lack of soda around the office these days, so I've been making due with lemon water and black coffee.
Life is grand!
Paralegal Tools Series: Forklift
The Komatsu 25 is the industry standard in paralegal forklifts. Whenever I submit an offsite box recall request, I imagine someone in a warehouse somewhere taking my barcode numbers and setting off on their forklift to find what I need.
The color scheme alone is enough to bring one back to the paralegal golden era, 1983, when top movie stars like Joan Cusack played high-powered para's in movies like "Whoops, I'm A Paralegal!".
FedEx Ground is often use to transport 100 boxes of useless crap that no one will ever look at.
The color scheme alone is enough to bring one back to the paralegal golden era, 1983, when top movie stars like Joan Cusack played high-powered para's in movies like "Whoops, I'm A Paralegal!".
FedEx Ground is often use to transport 100 boxes of useless crap that no one will ever look at.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Paralegal Tools Series: Redacting Tape
This tape is a combination of Scotch tape and Post-its. It comes in a roll, but you can lift it off like a post-it. Great for temporarily covering something up.
The peroxide is for rinsing out any bad tastes left in your mouth.
The racquetball is to keep your reflexes sharp.
I also like to keep a polaroid of Wendy on hand, and a regular baseball.
You might also see a pint glass here. I brought this in to work when I attempted the Master Cleanse (STU-PID!) and now I just fill it with booze.
The peroxide is for rinsing out any bad tastes left in your mouth.
The racquetball is to keep your reflexes sharp.
I also like to keep a polaroid of Wendy on hand, and a regular baseball.
You might also see a pint glass here. I brought this in to work when I attempted the Master Cleanse (STU-PID!) and now I just fill it with booze.
Paralegal Tools Series: IBU's
The theme here is "things that make things go away".
Lawyers can definitely give you a headache, and throwing a whiffle ball puts one in a jolly mood.
p.s. we don't use correction fluid anymore. stay tuned for CORRECTION TAPE!
Lawyers can definitely give you a headache, and throwing a whiffle ball puts one in a jolly mood.
p.s. we don't use correction fluid anymore. stay tuned for CORRECTION TAPE!
Paralegal Tools Series: D&B Power Card
Paralegals use these cards to drink immense beers and shoot basketballs against tourists.
To only be used during extended lunches with Pat McKegney.
Black and chrome item to left is unknown to me.
To only be used during extended lunches with Pat McKegney.
Black and chrome item to left is unknown to me.
Paralegal Tools Series: Specimen Stamp
We also frequently utilize I heart NY coffee mugs, I heart NY puff baseballs, Chapstick, small and large paper clips.
This stamp is used whenever something is technically, a "specimen".
I also stamp things with this for no reason.
This stamp is used whenever something is technically, a "specimen".
I also stamp things with this for no reason.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
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